A Relationship With Self

Building this relationship is a lifelong challenge but well worth the rewards. Fortunately, the Wiccan path has a map for helping us learn to develop that relationship through the four elements and their relationship to the self. The four elements, Air, Fire, Water, and Earth can be related to four parts of the person. Air, with its relationship to the intellect and communication relates to the mental. Fire has a relationship to our life energy and our outer emotions - those we display to others. Water relates to our inner emotions (those we hide from others) and to the ways in which we personally relate to the spiritual. The element Earth relates to our physical bodies. A strong balanced individual recognizes that we have these four distinct but deeply interrelated parts (mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical) to the self and strives to strengthen and balance each.

To strengthen the mental aspect of the self one must constantly be learning, challenging, and questioning. Just as muscles are strengthened through difficult physical movements, so the mind must be challenged to grow through learning and creativity. The mental self also has to do with communication. A positive self image is created through positive inner dialogue. Change for the better requires constant examination of this inner dialogue. Just trying to stop these destructive thoughts is not enough. A careful examination of the root and source of negative statements is necessary to rewrite damaging dialogue.

A positive outlook is the first step to developing a strong emotional relationship with the self and others. If you cannot care about yourself, it is much more difficult to care for others. Love begins at home. This is true metaphorically as well as materially. What we do is reflected by what we think and feel and it is what we do that defines us to others. We are all equally important and deserving of respect in the eyes of the gods. We each have our own unique talents (and faults). We are each different for a good reason. A diversity of parts creates a vibrant whole. Supporting others’ weaknesses through our strengths and vice versa creates strong bonds that make great relationships. Identify your own strengths and weaknesses without judgment. Be proud of who you are and others will do the same.

With the element of Water, we look toward our inner emotions and our relationship to Spirit (the fifth element). Here we can observe our deep inner feelings that we try to hide from others. All too often we judge these feelings as right or wrong especially if we have been brought up in oppressive religions and philosophies. Accept these feelings. They appear for a reason. Try to understand these reasons and their foundations. It is not their existence that causes difficulty. Rather, it is how you act upon them. Honor these inner emotions. Respect them and they will teach you about yourself. Through Water, we also learn to develop a positive relationship with Spirit in our own ways. A continuous spiritual practice which connects us to the gods, the earth and the cosmos is an important part of being whole.

With Earth, we learn to honor and respect our bodies through all our imperfections. As they say in the commercials - eat right and exercise. If nothing else, take a walk as often as you can - preferably in a place where you can commune with Nature and her wisdom. Walking is one of the best forms of exercise though there are hundreds of ways to exercise regularly. Another important way to maintain a healthy body is to simply avoid excesses. Whether it is food, drink, recreational drugs, smoking, watching TV, sex, or any of a thousand other addictions, it is important to monitor our own consumption. Our bodies are amazingly versatile and flexible organisms and, as pagans, we recognize the great joy of living and experiencing our bodies but all organisms have limits. Exceeding the body’s tolerance for abuse is detrimental to our health. The element of Earth is also about avoiding doing things in excess and it is about rest - something that is equally important to good health.

These are all ways in which we can strengthen ourselves through the model of the four elements. But strength is not enough. Balance is also important. Here, again, the four elements can guide us. In the traditional setting of the four elements. Air and Water appear on opposite ends of the wheel as do Earth and Fire. By observing Air in opposition to Water we are reminded that we must balance thinking (Air) with feeling (Water). Too much thinking without caring leads to dry analysis while pure emotion can cause us to do things for which we are later sorry. We must also balance our inner spiritual life (Water) with our outer life (Air). Air and Water also remind us to balance speaking with listening. By observing the opposition of Earth with Fire we are reminded to balance activity (Fire) with rest (Earth) and physical labor with spontaneous play. Finally, Earth and Fire reminds us about the importance of balancing love of the self (Earth) with love of others (Fire). Through balance and strength of the many aspects of the self we can develop a positive relationship with ourselves. Unfortunately, our culture does not respect this healthy view of the self. Instead, we are implicitly taught to disdain the self in the fear that we might become selfish and that we may come to (gasp!) love our own bodies and personalities. Advertisements are only effective in selling a product if they can convince you that you are in need of what they sell due to some personal inadequacy. We must fight these attitudes and maintain our proud heritage as pagans to loving our selves and the many joys that can be had in living and experiencing.

By strengthening the relationship with ourselves, we can develop even stronger relationships with others. Imagine a world where people loved themselves and each other. It could be so but it must begin by honoring, respecting, and caring for the self.