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Pagan Weddings and Handfastings A Guide for Handfastings and Non-Traditional Weddings, Pagan or nontraditional Handfastings, Services of Union and Weddings
A pagan or nontraditional handfasting/wedding is a special occasion and because you have consciously chosen not to be married in a traditional or standard format, you have decided to take a more active role in creating a ceremony that is special and unique for you. This also means that there will be more work and more involvement for such a personal event can mean even more stress than a traditional wedding. Keep in mind why you have chosen to take on this task and what you hope to have your ceremony signify to yourselves and others as you plan the days ahead together. It will be well worth the extra effort in the long run if you can maintain this focus.
A handfasting is a special pagan ceremony of commitment between two people. The couple literally takes hands as a symbol of unity. The difference between a wedding and a handfasting is that a handfasting is not meant to be a legal and continuously binding agreement. With a handfasting ceremony, the couple promise to make a specific commitment to the relationship for a set amount of time (at least a year and a day). After that time, the couple may renew their commitment for a longer period of time, make a permanent commitment through marriage or Service of Union, or separate with a handparting ceremony.
Before deciding to take on this major step in life, the couple should carefully think through their reasons and motivations. Consider answering the following questions and discuss the answers with your spiritual counselor and/or officiating priest/ess.
Marriage License Consent of parents or guardians (if under 18). If you are planning on being legally married, both partners must apply for a marriage license in the county which you planned to be married. A marriage must be performed within 60 days of the date of issue of a license and you cannot be legally married without obtaining one. At least two adult witnesses who will agree to sign the license.
A Handfasting, Wedding, or Service of Union can be a very and demanding event and it is certainly no time for the participants to be worrying about details. A Wedding Director or Tyler is someone who makes sure everything runs smoothly so that the couple can focus on their own participation. A Tyler is someone who remains outside a pagan circle and makes sure that no one enters the circle or disturbs the ceremony while in progress. So, a Tyler might be a perfect choice as a Wedding Director. Some of the duties of a Tyler may include:
First Meeting The first meeting is for getting together and making sure that the fit seems “right.” At this time, you should also do the following:
Second Meeting For the second meeting, you should have the following ready:
Third Meeting For the third meeting, you should have the following ready:
The Rehearsal For the rehearsal, you should provide the following:
There are many fees involved with a typical wedding and much has to do with the type and size of the ceremony. Anything that involves having someone do something for you usually involves a fee. Things like having commercial flowers, performing musicians, and special dresses or costumes involve paying someone to do something. To keep costs down, keep your ceremony simple and ask friends to volunteer their help. Some fees, like having an officiant to run the service, will be unavoidable. The following are the fees that I charge to be an officiant: Base Charge:
Base Charge includes:
Additions:
The Bare Minimum
The Full Ceremony
A Pagan Handfasting Preparation
Procession and Introduction [participants process to the circle noisily, if possible. The couple will enter the circle last. A broom is placed at the Eastern Gate after the couple has entered. When all have taken their place, begin:] Tonight we will celebrate the ritual joining of ______ and ______ in a ceremony called a handfasting. These two come before you because they have determined that theirs is a special relationship worthy of commitment. Thus, they come here to this circle to have others bear witness and swear support for their success. Today, they will be joined by their hands - a symbol of their commitment to work together. They will be bound by a red cord - a symbol that this union is one of the heart but we know that a union is not just of the heart. For the next year and a day, these two shall be ritually joined by mind, heart, soul, and body. After such time, they will evaluate their relationship and decide if they wish to make a longer commitment or if they would prefer to separate in a ritual called a handparting. We, as members of this circle, come here to support these two in whatever they may decide. Here, now, let us begin this ritual of taking hands. If you wish to take part in this ceremony, please gather around the altar in a circle and come close enough to take hands. Starting from the East, please introduce yourself by offering a blessing to all, stating your title (if you have one,) your public or ritual name, and your place of origin. After each introduction, we will welcome and honor you. I will begin: Bright Blessings to you all. I am [name] of [place]. Greetings [name]. We welcome you and honor you. (continue around circle) Finally, As Officiant of this circle, I present two you those for whom we are gathered in a circle of love and protection. [Introduce the Couple] Welcome one and all to this handfasting. Please now take a large step backwards as I prepare our ritual circle. State Intention (light working candle) I will now state our intention and then light the working candle. It is I, [state common or magickal name], who comes before the to initiate this circle of power for the purpose I state: We come before the powers here gathered with the blessings and support of those gathered in this circle to offer, honor, support, and love to ______ and _____ who are here to join in a ritual union we call a handfasting. May they come here with good and right intention and may they leave in strength and blessing to begin this phase in their lives together. This is our intent. Fro the good of one and all, So Mote It Be. Banish and Purify We
will now banish and purify this space. Cast the Circle I will now go around the circle and ask if each of you wish to be part of this rite. If you do not wish to be part of the circle, feel free to watch from just outside. You are welcome either way. When asked, how do you come to this circle, the traditional response is, in perfect love and in perfect trust, but you may respond however your heart desires. After responding, step forward into the circle. [Go around the circle of people clockwise and ask: Do you wish to be part of this circle? How do you come to this circle? Please enter the circle. Blessed Be] Ground and Center We will now ground and center. If you wish to participate, please close your eyes. Take a moment to ground yourself with Mother Earth and Father Sky. Center yourself. Clear your mind and focus your thoughts and energies on this circle. Put away all mundane concerns and allow this time to be a celebration of the joining of these two people. If you wish, you may take this time to connect with your personal deities. [pause] In this circle now we spin, a sacred rite shall soon begin. May we now be safe and sure for the work we here procure. Call the Directions We will now create a sacred space within a magickal circle by calling on the four directions and the three deities. Then, we will fill this space with our energy. [to East] Guardians of the East, element of Air, realm of the mind, direction of the rising sun and new beginnings, let us look forward to the joining of this couple before us. Like the God and Goddess we honor in our rites, they each possess elements of masculinity and femininity that are incomplete until joined together. May the future bring them great joy and happiness together. Guardians of the East, grant this couple wisdom and understanding. Hail and welcome. Blessed Be! [to South] Guardians of the South, element of Fire, realm of the heart, direction of the noonday sun, let us be thankful for the blessings of the hearts and the gift of love. Let the energies of these two be combined into a union that is greater than each of them can be separately. Guardians of the South, grant this couple love and passion. Hail and welcome. Blessed Be! [to West] Guardians of the West, element of Water, realm of the soul, direction of the setting sun and endings, let this be a union for two people to grow together spiritually with strength. Let them be able to experience the mystery and joy of love together. Guardians of the West, grant this couple spiritual growth together. Hail and welcome. Blessed Be! [to North] Guardians of the North, element of Earth, realm of the physical, direction of the dark of night, we look to you to show us signs of the coming Spring. We celebrate the chance for two bodies to join together in the great mystery of life. Let their joining physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually be always in respect and honor for each other. Guardians of the North, grant this couple stability and strength. Hail and welcome. Blessed Be! Call the Deities We will now honor the deities: O God of the Sun, great masculine one, bless this sacred circle and all work within it done. O Goddess of the Moon, great feminine one, bless this sacred circle and all work within it done. O Child of the Stars, great mysterious one, bless this sacred circle and all work within it done. We will now fill this circle with our energies of love and sharing. Take a moment to ground yourself and raise your own magickal energy. We will chant: [add appropriate chant with dance steps] [Begin softly and gradually become louder] Close the Circle And now at last, the circle is cast [ring bell] Ritual As symbols that we are the gifts of the gods, the couple will light their own individual candles from the deity candles and then light a single unity candle to represent the joining of their separate flames. Their individual candles will remain lit to symbolize that, although they come together in unity, they are still individuals as well. [the couple light their own candles and then the unity candle.] Vows At this time the couple will share their vows with each other in the presence of these witnesses. [insert vows] Toast Wine has long been a strong symbol. It represents the symbolic blood of the Goddess. It represents transformation since it comes from pure grapes that have been aged and fermented. A union is also a transformation where two grow and become wise together. Wine is also a drink of passion and joy. It intoxicates the drinker who celebrates this new freedom through singing and merriment. A union is also a time of singing and merriment. Let them now toast each other. [insert toast, intertwine arms and drink together] Tying the Knot This red cord is a symbol of love and passion. As a single strand, it is strong and sturdy. But when it is employed in a knot binding two entities together, it becomes even stronger and sturdier. We fast the hands of this couple together to symbolize the union they have both agreed to join. First, however, I will ask if they come to this union willingly and joyfully. [to partner 1] ____, do you come to be ritually bound to this person joyfully and out of your own free will? [I do] [the hands are bound] [repeat for partner 2] [tie red cord around one hand of each partner while saying] With this cord, I do bind thee, let it be known they join freely. For so long as their hearts together know joy, let no human hands this bond destroy. For the good of one and all, so mote it be. [to the families] To the families here present, old and new, do you promise to love and support these two who are now bound in a union of love and commitment? [families respond then may offer prepared blessings] [to all others] To all those present here in this circle of love and protection, do you promise to love and support these two who are now bound in a union of love and commitment? [response] Completion Now we will end this ritual. Now this circle we undo, for the magick rite is through Let this work befall for the good of one and all [Release deities in reverse order and extinguish candles] O Child of the Stars, great mysterious one, If you have come to bless this rite, we thank you now for your bright light. O Goddess of the Moon, great feminine one, If you have come to bless this rite, we thank you now for your bright light. O God of the Sun, great masculine one, If you have come to bless this rite, we thank you now for your bright light. [Release quadrants in reverse order] Guardians
of the West depart to your watery realm impart Bless this union
and all here gathered in Guardians of the South depart to your watery realm impart Bless this union and all here gathered in true mind and heart Hail and Farewell! Blessed Be! Guardians of the East depart to your watery realm impart. Bless this union and all here gathered in true mind and heart Hail and Farewell! Blessed Be! Guardians of the North depart to your watery realm impart. Bless this union and all here gathered in true mind and heart Hail and Farewell! Blessed Be! Closing Words Let this be a great time of joy and revelry, for like the God and Goddess, two great things have come together to create an even greater one. May creativity, happiness, joy, passion, and the ease of suffering that comes from mutual love be with both of you so long as you maintain this union. As an Officiant of the Eno River Fellowship and as a Wiccan Practitioner, I pronounce these two to be joined until such time as they ritually part hands. For the good of this couple and all lovers everywhere, So Mote It Be! Kiss You may kiss, if you so choose. [couple kiss] Blessings from the Circle The newly handfasted couple will now go around the circle. When they approach you, feel free to share a personal blessing or a hug. Come now among us so that we may bless you. [the couple goes around the circle to accept blessings] Ground Before we bring this ritual to a close, I invite each of you to take a moment to ground your energy. You may do this by silently concentrating on returning your energy to the earth. Open the circle In a moment, I will annouce that the circle is open. Everyine except the couple will exit out through the Eastern Gate and form a line on two sides. The broom will be set down before our new couple which will mark the threshold between the life of two single individuals and the new life of two that share as one. The couple will jump the broom and then recess through our line to hteir new life together. Now this circle we undo for this sacred rite is through. let these blessings we bestow like a seed, take root and grow. Come now and all celebrate as we escort out the new couple. [Begin drumming, chanting, and singing as the group exits the circle and forms two lines. The broom is placed on the ground at the Eastern Gate before the lines. Jumping The Broom Lords and Ladies, worshipers of the Earth, lovers of love, beauty,and joy, there is nothing greater than love for that is the essence of the Goddess, there is nothing more joyful than a life fulfilled for that is the essence of the God and there is nothing more beautiful than finding one who brings these things together. Lords and Ladies, I present to you ________ and _________ who have found the greatest gift and join together in its splendor [The couple jump the broom and exit the Eastern Gate. Bird seed may be thrown] Cakes and Ale The couple may share refreshments to themselves and then the guests. NEEDS:
[ ] altar table and cloth
The following books may help you in finding appropriate texts and changes: Handfastings: Magickal Weddings by Joy Ferguson Handfasted and Heartjoined : Rituals for Uniting a Couple's Hearts and Lives by Maeve, Lady Rhea Alternative Weddings I Do : A Guide to Creating Your Own Unique Wedding Ceremony by Sydney Barbara Metrick Weddings by Design : A Guide to the nontraditional Ceremony by Richard Leviton Alternative Weddings : An Essential Guide for Creating Your Own Ceremonies by Jane Ross-MacDonald Your Wedding Your Way by Leah Ingram Green Weddings That Don't Cost the Earth by Carol Reed-Jones Anti-Bride Guide : Tying the Knot Outside of the Box by Carolyn Gerin, Stephanie Rosenbaum Words for the Ceremony Into the Garden by Robert Haas and Stephen Mitchel To Woo and To Wed edited by Michael Blumenthal The Complete Book of Wedding Toasts by John William McCluskey With These Words...I Thee Wed : Contemporary Wedding Vows for Today's Couples by Barbara Eklof Wedding Readings : Centuries of Writing and Rituals on Love and Marriage by Eleanor C. Munro Words for the Wedding : Creative Ideas for Choosing and Using Hundreds of Quotations to Personalize Your Vows, Toasts, Invitations, & More by Wendy Paris, Andrew Chesler Weddings of other faiths and traditions Interfaith Wedding Ceremonies : Samples and Sources by Joan C. Hawxhurst The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Weddings by Tess Ayers, Paul Brown Native American Courtship and Marriage Traditions by Leslie Gourse The Nubian Wedding Book; Words and Rituals to Celebrate and Plan an African-American Wedding by Ingrid Sturgis Marriage Customs (Comparing Religions) by Anita Compton Wedding Music The Ultimate Guide To Wedding Music by Elizabeth Lluch last update December 20, 2007 |
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2003, Shanddaramon - All work within this page is copyrighted
do not distribute or copy without the author's written permission. |